My High 10 Takeaways from The Seven Rules That Make Marriage Work by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver

Are you able to suggest a ebook for…?”

“What are you studying proper now?”

“What are your favourite books?”

I get requested these varieties of questions loads and, as an avid reader and all-around bibliophile, I’m all the time completely satisfied to oblige.

I additionally prefer to encourage folks to learn as a lot as potential as a result of information advantages you very like compound curiosity. The extra you study, the extra you recognize; the extra you recognize, the extra you are able to do; the extra you are able to do, the extra alternatives it’s a must to succeed.

So, for those who’re a bookworm looking out for good reads, or for those who’d prefer to get into the behavior of studying, that is for you.

Okay, let’s get to the featured ebook: The Seven Rules That Make Marriage Work by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver.


The Seven Rules That Make Marriage Work is a sensible, evidence-based ebook for strengthening a romantic relationship by bettering communication, higher managing battle, and constructing belief and intimacy.

If you happen to’re courting somebody newly and are nonetheless within the “infatuation stage” of the connection or have been collectively for a while however don’t have youngsters but, you might not discover this ebook and others prefer it notably helpful.

However, when the fascination fades—and it all the time does ultimately—the connection can wither if we don’t consciously do the precise issues, particularly when life will get extra worrying due to youngsters, profession obligations, and so on.

And what are these “proper issues”? That’s the place this ebook might help. 

It could actually’t present all the solutions, in fact, and you might discover a few of the recommendation within the ebook apparent and instinctive, however you’ll in all probability additionally study some new and simple methods to enhance your relationship by including or altering only a few key behaviors.

Let’s get to the takeaways.

My 10 Key Takeaways from Seven Rules That Make Marriage Work


“Within the strongest marriages, husband and spouse share a deep sense of which means. They don’t simply ‘get alongside’—in addition they help one another’s hopes and aspirations and construct a way of objective into their lives collectively.”


“In marriage folks periodically make what I name ‘bids’ for his or her accomplice’s consideration, affection, humor, or help. Folks both flip towards each other after these bids or they flip away. Turning towards is the idea of emotional connection, romance, ardour, and an excellent intercourse life.”


“In our long-term examine of 130 newlywed {couples}, now in its eighth 12 months, we now have discovered that, even within the first few months of marriage, males who enable their wives to affect them have happier marriages and are much less more likely to divorce than males who resist their wives’ affect. Statistically talking, when a person will not be prepared to share energy together with his accomplice, there may be an 81 p.c probability that his marriage will self-destruct.”


“By means of the course of their marriages, they’d realized to view their companions’ shortcomings and oddities as amusing elements of the entire bundle of their partner’s character and character.”


“Battle decision will not be about one individual altering, it’s about negotiating, discovering widespread floor and methods that you may accommodate one another.”


“Hold working in your unresolvable conflicts. {Couples} who’re demanding of their marriage usually tend to have deeply satisfying unions than those that decrease their expectations.”


“Acknowledging and respecting one another’s deepest, most private hopes and desires is the important thing to saving and enriching your marriage.”


“Partings. Be sure that earlier than you say goodbye within the morning you’ve realized about one factor that’s occurring in your partner’s life that day—from lunch with the boss to a physician’s appointment to a scheduled cellphone name with an previous buddy. Time: 2 minutes a day × 5 working days Whole: 10 minutes 

“Reunions. Be sure you interact in a stress-reducing dialog on the finish of every workday (see web page 87). Time: 20 minutes a day × 5 days Whole: 1 hour 40 minutes 

“Admiration and appreciation. Discover a way every single day to speak real affection and appreciation towards your partner. Time: 5 minutes a day × 7 days Whole: 35 minutes 

“Affection. Kiss, maintain, seize, and contact one another in the course of the time you’re collectively. Ensure to kiss one another earlier than going to sleep. Consider that kiss as a option to let go of any minor irritations which have constructed up over the day. In different phrases, lace your kiss with forgiveness and tenderness to your accomplice. Time: 5 minutes a day × 7 days Whole: 35 minutes

“Weekly date. This is usually a enjoyable, low-pressure option to keep linked. Ask one another questions that allow you to replace your love maps and switch towards one another. (In fact, you may also use these dates to speak out a marital subject or work by way of an argument you had that week, if essential.) Consider inquiries to ask your partner (like “Are you continue to fascinated with redecorating the bed room?” “The place ought to we take our subsequent trip?” or “How are you feeling about your boss nowadays?”). Time: 2 hours as soon as per week Whole: 2 hours 

Grand Whole: 5 hours!”


“And, let’s face it: Anybody you marry might be missing in sure fascinating qualities. The issue is that we are likely to give attention to what’s lacking in our mate and overlook the high quality qualities which can be there—we take these without any consideration.”


“Earlier than you attempt to resolve a battle, keep in mind that the cornerstone of any compromise is the fourth precept of marriage—accepting affect. Because of this for a compromise to work, you’ll be able to’t have a closed thoughts to your partner’s opinions and needs. You don’t need to agree with every thing your partner says or believes, however it’s a must to be truthfully open to contemplating his or her place.”

Have you ever learn The Seven Rules That Make Marriage Work? What did you suppose? Have the rest to share? Let me know within the feedback beneath!